My countdown has begun!! I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I can't seem to escape the heat. We have had 12 days straight of over 90 degree weather and this week's forecast is more of the same. There are aspects of pregnancy I like - feeling the baby move, a buxom figure, special attention. But this time around it just feels like a lot more work and there are more things that I don't like - backaches, not being able to sleep, swollen fingers, heartburn, not being able to move to keep up after my 2 1/2 year old DS, special attention, mood swings. So I am seriously praying that his little guy decides that he wants to come about a week early. Steve and I have decided that this will be the last baby so I am trying hard to relish the chance to feel a living being growing and moving inside me, but I have to admit that it is becoming more difficult.
I was feeling very anxious yesterday - not sure what that was about. I am not normally an anxious person. In fact the only other time in my life that I have had an anxiety attack was during the first week after Matthew was born. I really don't want to go through that again as it was pure torture for me. Pregnancy, labor and delivery were all better or the same as I expectated - it was after he was born that I was unprepared for. I think the hardest thing is that I don't feel like there is anything I can do to "guarantee" that I won't have the same postpartum experience as I did with Matthew. There are so many variables that I have no control over and can't do any preparation for - hormones, Steve's emotional state, Matthew's response, lack of sleep. It is so hard for me to let go of all that, but I know I need to lay it all at Jesus' feet and at least not let the anxiety of all that creep in on me now. Fortunately God has provided some very good girlfriends who I know I can call anytime for support and encouragement and I know He will be with me no matter how joyful or terrified I feel.
I guess I better get to bed, I'm going to regret staying up this late when Matthew wakes me up in the morning.
1 comment:
Not to mention, you had Matthew in December and this time you have to survive June and July with no air! I can see how it's a bit hard to relish these moments! Hoping to see you real soon.
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