Generations

I've been thinking about the passing of generations of people recently. I lost both my grandmothers within a year of each other, the last one just last month and on both sides of my family that means the end of that generation. When I think about them and the legacy they leave behind I have a much different view of them as people than when they were alive. That seems strange! I heard someone say that the most fearful realization many people have is to find out we are viewed far differently than we see ourselves - like we've been fooling ourselves all along about who we really are.

My Grandmother Harriman was a very dry, non-emotive woman whose loves and passions were lived out in action around things, but RARELY in word to people. When she was alive I connected to her through the works of her hands - crochet, needlework, gardening etc. but I only remember being hugged by her one or two times and never heard the words "I love you". She loved to garden, watch birds, record events, facts, and the weather in her diary and was steadfast in her church attendance. She gave of her talents to others, taught Sunday School, gave to the community and stayed active until she died.

My Grandmother Lewis, on the other hand was a Nurse for many years and then retired. She was much more affectionate and I would go visit and take her to her favorite restaurant. She too passed on a love for hand crafts. She developed Macular Degeneration in her eyes and it seemed she used her eye trouble as an excuse to give up on life. In my view she died lonely and alone because she pushed all but her immediate family and her 30 year Beau away.

Steve's parents and mine are the next generation. We can only hope to be able to cherish our time with them for years to come, but I often wonder what it will be like when I can't call my Mom to tell her about the latest thing Matthew has done or hear how her life on the farm is going.

Now Steve and I are bringing another generation into the world. I don't relish the thought that my children will remember both the good and bad about me. It hurts my heart to know that I will hurt them and that the world will hurt them. The only redeeming knowledge I have is my realization that I came through ok and God has a perfect plan for my kids.

So what does this all mean? Well, I guess that I want to keep growing and learning and developing as a person until the day I die. I don't want to become stagnant and give up on living. I want my kids to be able to say that I was a joyful, giving person who loved God. This is the legacy I can work for even today.