I observed Matthew playing with some boys yesterday and came away from those interactions with questions about parenting. Where is the line between being protective in a healthy way vs. unhealthy? And/or when do my actions change from being regarded as "good" to being labeled as "bad" when allowing my child to behave as a "normal" kid when playing with other children?
My son and his little friend were acting more like siblings than friends yesterday, picking at each other, knocking each other down and almost duking it out on the floor. It is behavior we expect of boys, but when should I as a parent step in to break it up and reprimand my child as opposed to letting them work it out and learn to respect each other? Are those concepts too grown up for a two or three year old? I want him to learn respect, compassion, loyalty, negotiating skills, learn to lose, and learn how to win. It seems to me that if he were to begin to learn some of these skills before school, when I am not there to referee, that he would find survival a tad bit easier.
But....there are challanges to allowing little boys to "work it out". First, they can very quickly escalate to hurting each other, and second not many moms that I've talked to are willing to let it happen - as the behavior is not considered socially acceptable and third, it takes a lot of work for parents to try to teach these concepts instead of just putting the child in time out or punishing the behavior (granted sometimes the behavior is worthy of discipline!) Some of these thoughts spring from reading two books "Raising Cain: protecting the emotional life of boys" and "Wild at Heart" (sorry, I can't remember either author at the moment).
I would love to hear your feedback - especially Moms with boys.
1 comment:
If I had some input to give, I would. But I honestly have no idea. Boys will be boys ... but there also needs to be the balance of self-control. I'll have to pick up Raising Cain... sounds interesting.
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